Believe Your Child First.” Therapist Amber Reveals What Parents Miss

What if the most important thing a parent can do is simply believe their child?

In this episode of the Life’s Deceit Podcast, Jen Simpson sits down with trauma therapist and author Amber Gonzalez for a deeply honest conversation about childhood abuse, generational trauma, and protecting the next generation.

Amber Gonzalez is a licensed professional counselor and founder of Day One Therapy. Through her clinical work and educational books, she helps families understand how to prevent abuse, support survivors, and create safer environments for children.

In Part 1 of this conversation, Jen and Amber discuss the patterns that allow abuse to continue across generations. They talk about grooming behaviors, family silence, cultural barriers, and the devastating consequences when children are not believed.

Jen also shares her own experience with childhood abuse and how silence within families can shape a survivor’s life.

In this episode we discuss:

• Why children often stay silent about abuse
  
  
• The warning signs parents should never ignore
  
  
• Grooming behaviors many families overlook
  
  
• Why believing a child is critical for healing
  
  
• How generational trauma continues when silence is protected
  
  

This conversation may be difficult, but it is necessary.

Because protecting children starts with listening.

Connect with Amber Gonzalez:
Instagram:   / dayonetherapynj 
Website: www.dayonetherapynj.com/store

Connect with Jenelle:
📧 Email: podcast@jenellesimpson.com
🌐 Website: https://jenellesimpson.com
📸 Instagram:   / lifesdeceitpodcast 
👍 Facebook:

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Legacy. This is season four, Legacy by Choice. Chosen, not inherited. I'm your host, Jen Simpson. How are you guys doing? I hope you're having a beautiful morning, afternoon, night, wherever you are in the world. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Guys, thank you for tuning in with me again. If you are new to this channel, please, before we continue, hit the subscribe button, turn on your notification bell, give me a like, and at the end of this episode, please leave a comment, give me a feedback, let me hear your thoughts. To those who have been with me since day one, or new to the channel and have been following for a while, I just want to thank you guys for the support. Thank you guys for helping me build this channel. It has been an honor and a pleasure to be with you guys and building something that is a legacy. Now, today's episode, today's conversation is a special. This episode was originally recorded last year for season four. Generational Cycles is a lifestyle. But we did not get to air the episode. Before we jump into this episode, I just want to give you guys a little bit of backstory about this episode. This episode is very dear and personal to me. And also, this episode was aired when I was a when I was in a different season in my life. Um, so you guys will see. I am a new person now. I did the healing work. I still have healing work to do. We always have more healing work to do, because as I said last season, healing is a lifestyle. It's not something you just wake up and do and you wake up and oh, I'm perfect now. I'm healed, everything is perfect, and I don't need to worry about nothing. No, there will be days where you have to go back, revisit some things, and do some deep work. There'll be some days where you wake up and you're confused, you're miserable, you're thinking about something that you thought you already dealt with, but you have to go back. Although this episode was recorded last season, truth doesn't expire, and neither does purpose. Because what we're talking about here, this is legacy work. I'm joined today by Ambert Gonzalez. Licensed professional counselor, trauma therapist, author, and founder of Day One Therapy, who's on a mission to help families break generational cycles through healing, prevention, and real conversations that most people they try very hard to avoid. Most people tuck away because they don't want to have to deal with it and just move on with their life, pretend like nothing happened. This is not just about healing after the fact. This is about protecting the next generation before the damage happens. So, if you've carried the weight of being the psychobreaker, this conversation is for you. This conversation is for my psychobreakers who decided I'm gonna kill that family, toxic cycle that I've been carrying that burden. And while you're carrying it, you feel like you're the black sheep. This is building a generational legacy. My choice, your choice. Just because it was recorded last year doesn't mean that she is still not continuing her journey. So without further ado, please help me welcome Amber. Amber. Yes, thank you so much for saying yes to joining the Lyces Eats platform. Yes, and more importantly, I want to thank you for accepting your calling, accepting your assignment, saying yes to being a voice and an example for other people, and for building this legacy, not just for your children, for other children across the world. So, Amber, I want to thank you so much for taking the time to grace the platform and our listeners.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yes, I'm so happy to be here. We've been trying to do this, I think this is our third attempt. Right. But the devil ain't gonna win because it's like you know how that as soon as you start talking about something that actually matters that can put protect the child to prevent child abuse and to prevent SA, all of a sudden it's a tech issue. We can't do this, we can't do that. But if it's an inappropriate content, oh it's gonna work. It's gonna work.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

So many distractions. I want to ask you what do you represent and what do you hope that your legacy will be when you leave this earth?

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Mmm, what do I represent? Uh, I feel like outside of being a wife and a mama four, I really want to represent um a cy being a cycle breaker. Uh I want to represent um talking about things that other people didn't talk about even 20 years ago, pushing things out of the rug. I want to represent transparency in healing. Um taking the shame away from um sorry, from children that have been um harmed um by by sexual abuse. I don't know if can I say sexual abuse on here?

SPEAKER_00 5:42

I don't want the one of the trigger. I know sometimes they strike, but I'll we'll just say vaccine.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

And as far as the prevention, um, so I really want to be that tool for healing and also prevention. Because when I wrote the book, it I've been doing therapy for 13 years, I'm fully licensed. I own I own my own private practice, and I'm like, these kids keep coming in with the same symptoms, different stories, same symptoms, and it always comes down to what could have been prevented. So I'm like, how can I get kids from not coming to my office? Which is ultimately gonna put me out of business. But I'd rather go out of business and hail these kids than be in business with broken kids, right? So that's where the book came out with this safe and unsafe touch. And this book isn't just off of you know, studies, it's actually off of real life cases from my clients of what I learned through them as far as what was safe and unsafe. So what I wanna what I want to represent is healing, what I want to represent is prevention. It also what I want to represent is actually like a new generation of cycle breakers, like the workshop that I just did, the the internet and body safety workshop for ages three through twelve. We filled the room with strangers, and it was so amazing. And these kids now know the difference between safe and unsafe touch and what to do. We're already changing the next generation. And then the second question was what do you hope that your legacy will be? Oh, my legacy is that I'm known for exactly what I do now as far as helping children stay safe, healing after unsafe, and also being that tool for parents. Some DMs that I get, and not just parents, because not every parent is trusted. So that's why I use the word trusted adult and not parents, because a lot of my clients, their parents were the ones that essayed them, and a lot of people think it's strangers, and no, it's family 99% of the time. Um, so really to be able to help these kids continue to uh prevent, protect, and also process. So that is that answer.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

And I'll be the first to say that you are doing an amazing job of building that legacy, and that's exactly how I found you. Ah, yeah, by you being that strong voice. So you're doing an amazing job, and you're a strong tower. So I'm loving it, and I'm loving watching you build your legacy. Thank you. Yeah, you you are a licensed professional coach, like trauma care worker, sorry, licensed professional counselor, license coach, trauma therapist, yes, a dedicated author to helping individuals and families break generational cycles and trauma, and you are the proud owner and founder of Day One Therapy, which provides therapy and clinical consulting. But before all this amazing thing, all these amazing titles and this the work that you're doing, who was Amber before? How were you raised and what was your family dynamic like?

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Wow. So who was Amber before? So before the college, before the the goal of being a therapist, family upbringing, um was I had a really good childhood. And the crazy part is even though my parents separated, I never felt like they were actually separated. So I'm half black, half Puerto Rican. So I was raised by my black side. We all live in the same state. So my black side lived in uh South Jersey, and then my Puerto Rican side lived in North Jersey. So we would go back. My dad actually recently passed away um in December of the last year. Thank you. So that uh but really good childhood growing up. I grew up in a church, um, and we I we had a bump in the road around fourth grade. And I didn't know what was happening. Um but I ended up having to move with a family member. Um, which shout out to the person that, you know, even though we had to move, the person that took us in was a family member and they made sure that we were safe. Um again, that's what stemmed my whole wanting to be a therapist because there was somebody really close to me in my family that was struggling. I never knew why, but as the years went on, I started to put pieces together of why. Um, and it was a family essay, unhealed family essay. Um, and that really pushed me to where I'm at today. Um, but but yeah, so before that I was a dancer, I used to cheer. Uh yeah, and when I when I went to I really didn't like high school as far as academic-wise, but when I went to college and I had that tunnel vision, it was exactly what I wanted to do. That's exactly what I did. Like I grinded, I got I got through my undergrad, I got through my masters, we had to do a level clinical, we had to pass the boards, I passed it the first time, and then 4,500 clinical hours to get to where I am now. But really, my childhood, um, that family member that's all about so special to me is why day one exists, is why um ABCs of safe and unsafe touch exist. The same ABCs of a happy to me, all that. So that's where it stems from.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

I haven't heard anybody describe their childhood the way that you just did. I I have not, and I could feel that you were loved, and I I can honestly genuinely see it in your face that you had an amazing childhood, and that's very rare, especially in the black community and for some Puerto Rican families, right? Oh, absolutely. Um, yeah. Um, so hearing that makes me feel warm on the inside and really happy that you had that because a lot of people they they've gone through essay or some sort of trauma or abuse, but your story is a bit different.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Yes, and that and that part is huge. Sorry, I just want to I just want to say this. That's that part's huge. So the person I went through to essay, it either goes two ways, and that's what I see in therapy. It's either you become a predator yourself, even after you've been essayed, or you go to completely opposite and you go in straight protect mode. So the person that was essay'd, they went opposite, they went in complete protect mode. So even though they were essayed, the positive part outside of all the tragedy of it is that they protected the next generation of children. It's amazing. And that is my goal is to continue that. So it continues to be changed, and and we don't have to have this cycle. So that was a little plug right there. I wanted to make sure I said that.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

The other plug was that although you weren't the person that was victimized or essayed, you were the one that decided to break that generational cycle for somebody that you cared about. And you rarely see that. So I always say people are affected differently. You were in the you may have been in a household raised the same, but everybody's affected differently by things that happen in the home. And you inhibited your life by deciding that you were gonna become a trauma therapist and break that cycle, and you went into protection mode as well. Yes, absolutely. That is a tremendous thing that you did that I don't think people even realize. Because we hear the stories, and most people are trying to figure out well, what do I do? How do I support this person? Well, I don't know. I'm gonna be hands-on because I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. So, what you're doing, girl, hats off to you. So I was molested by my uncle, and my mom ended up, although she knew it was true, she pretended like she didn't believe it, so she would save her relationship with her family because already they had a weird dynamic because of the partner that she was with. So she thought, okay, turning her back on me would save the relationship with her family. And then is go ahead. I got the short end of the stick, of course, because it didn't save the relationship at all. And I wouldn't leave my children around you because if you weren't able to protect me, correct, you wouldn't be able to protect them either.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Absolutely. And first of all, I'm I'm sorry that you went through that tragic childhood experience, and I hope that you're healing and some type of trauma therapy. That's my first thing. And if you are, yes, if you're not, DM me later. And it's so it's so important that you you brought this up because this is what I see. So I you it goes two ways. You get the parent that believes, and then you get the parent that asks Amber, how do you know they're telling the truth? And that is the worst thing you can say to a child. So that's why in the ABCs of a safe and unsafe touch, it is um V for vindication. We always believe our child's truth, no matter who it is. And when when parents are coming to me in therapy, uh they're like, Well, how do you know they're telling the truth? It's not my job to know they're telling the truth, it's your child's truth, and you need to believe it. Period. And that really changed the dynamic of my parents because they want some type of evidence, you know, when a lot of times there isn't any. You know, no child is gonna make this up. Period. No, no child is gonna make this make this up, especially when it's early childhood. You don't even know what these things even are. You don't even know if it's right or wrong half the time, because you're like, what is this?

unknown 15:42

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

You know, until people go to health class and they're like, oh, that's supposed to happen. Then, you know, this already happened to me, or they start being hypersexual, you know, at a young age. And and that was one of my um reels before it was like, stop calling these girls fast. Because a lot of times the girls are being essayed. So instead of saying, Oh, they're fast, in the black in the black community, the word fast is basically being um what they call a bop around nowadays. A bop or a what else would what else would the youngins call it?

SPEAKER_00 16:13

You know, what girl, I don't know what they're calling, but yeah, yeah, bop.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Let's let's go with bop. Exactly. But the goal really would be to ask our child who taught you those behaviors, and that is how you you would learn, oh well, I was introduced to this by this, compared to oh, she's fast, you know, da-da-da-da. You know, instead of that, who taught you this? And that that that's the role to go there.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

As as you're saying that now, I'm I'm I'm replaying things in my head, right? Because you know, when you go through trauma, there's stages in your life where you replay things that happened, and you're like, wait, I need to go back. Even when after you write your book, sometimes memories that you hid, or you know, you you trauma block and you forget that a certain thing happened at that point. And as you're talking, I'm remembering I was never asked questions. I was never asked questions if it were true if it was true. I was never asked for evidence, nothing. They didn't ask for any proof, which now that I'm an adult told me that was an indication that you knew it was true, right? And you didn't need to ask, but you didn't want to face the truth. Then now you said that, and I'm thinking about, hmm, you did do that. You said I was fast, but more so they do that a lot, especially in the West Indian culture. When a girl starts behaving a certain way, you're fast, yeah, and Jamaican, ya tek man, which means say you're you're sleeping with a man now, right? You're having sex outside of the home. And one thing for me that I remembered vividly in my mind was I had a journal, and I love to write what when I was a child. So I'd write down everything songs, music, whenever I was going through something, or my stepdad and my mom were fighting, I would write things down. And I had a journal where I would write down what I wanted my dream husband to be. Oh, I don't know if any other girl did, but I used to write, I wrote down what I wanted my boyfriend to look like. Um, what was he gonna be like, what attributes he was gonna have, my husband, my kids, all of this stuff, okay? And my uncle, the one who essayed me, went into my room, searched my room, got my journal, gave my journal to them, and they started reading my journal out loud. And that was his reason. Because he said that because I had a boyfriend that I was sleeping with, I was telling lies on him so they wouldn't find out. And I was like, Really? Like, make it make sense, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:48

Yeah, so that that's actually an example of him trying to cover himself up. So let me let me let me blame it on her, and a lot of times that's why the K in K in ABC The Safe and Uncle Touches, K is for keep telling, keep telling to someone that listens. You didn't keep telling, or did you? Me? After you told your mom if she downplayed it and dismissed it, did you keep telling other people?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

No. So here's the thing now now. We're going through it because I've actually I don't think I've ever like talked about it in detail like this, but we're talking about it today. We're talking about it today, because you know what? It's happening a lot in the in the gym, especially Jamaican culture and other cultures, but Jamaicans, it's happening a lot, and parents are believing Jamaica's gorgeous, girl.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

I love Jamaica. Hold on, because when I come there, when I come there in January, because I go there every winter, I'm bringing my books. Because go ahead and tell me, tell me about why Jamaica needs my books. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Oh my gosh, I I have to come with you. I have to come with you.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

We we go to um Monteco Bay, the Ocean Coral Springs resort. Love it there. This isn't a plug for that, but sponsor me, maybe one day. But yeah, it'll be there in January, so I'll DM you.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

We're gonna talk about why they need your books because your books are needed in Jamaica.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yes, yes, badly. So go ahead. So you said a culture in Jamaica in the West Indies. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

So my um my stepdad is the one that brought me to the police station. He outright right there in the moment, believe me, brought me to the police station, reported my story, got back home. My mom said to me, if I don't retract my story, if I don't retract my story, I'm not her daughter, I have to leave the house. And she started calling me names like slut and a whore. And I said, Okay, I love my mom so much. I was born in Jamaica, I didn't get to meet my mom again till I was five. At that point in my life, I wanted my mom's love so badly I would do anything to make sure that she loved me. So I went back with her and I retracted my story. I never spoke about it again, but I did tell my best friend at the time, and she knew about it, but I never spoke about it again. And recently, when my grandma died in 2020 2023 or 2024, 2023. My stepdad said to me that he knew it was true because he remembers one night when he heard a bang at his door, his bedroom door, when he opened the bedroom door, I was standing there, and so was my uncle. And he asked what was the problem and he said he knew that night that the bang at the door was my invitation to let them know something was going on. And I'm thinking about what he said, and I said, Okay, then why didn't you go into protection mode? Why didn't you try to figure out more? Yes. So I think and I believe that parents see the signs and sometimes they block it out because they don't want to believe it. Absolutely, they don't want to accept it and they don't want to deal with it. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

And the K for keep on telling is a prime example of why that's important. Because you could have kept telling and somebody would have listened and maybe done something, but at the same time, in your case, low-key, your mother manipulated it. She did. She knew what to tell a child, her own daughter, which is going to create something called a trauma bond. That no matter what, it's still your mother. And you already said you were away from your mom from ages baby infancy to five years old. You don't want to be, you don't want to be gone again. She already told you what it was hitting for. She said, if you don't retract, you have to m leave. Because sometimes the victim, in many cases, becomes ostracized from the family. Instead of the predator being ostracized from the family. So first of all, it takes it takes strength and power, and and that's why it eased for empowerment in the book to be able to speak up. And then when you did, you were dismissed. Now you're the problem. Now you get out of the family. And this is why predators have at least 13 victims. Because they get to stay. And the person that told the child that told is now leaving. Or you're the you're the crazy one. Oh, she's crazy. She don't she don't know. She's delusional. And that's exactly what happened there.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

And another part of that story is that he was out on bail at the time for a similar situation with his ex-girlfriend. So in that situation, it was easier for them to say, you're just trying to get him in trouble because he's already in trouble. No, because he was one of my favorite uncles. Wow. Why would I why would I want to get one of my favorite uncles in trouble? Correct.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

And that that had to be even harder for you because it was your favorite uncle. So again, but when people when people say things like, oh, you know, teach safe and I say touch stranger danger now. We're we're teaching family danger, low-kate. Because it's the closest ones to you. It's the ones that you thought that could be trusted. If for him to be your favorite uncle, looking back, was he your favorite uncle because of low-key grooming behaviors that you didn't even realize were grooming? Because sometimes what they'll do is try to make you the favorite, they'll they'll make you feel extra special. They will go above and beyond like you would get the gifts, and oh, you know, one-on-one, and you know, you know what clients do.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

I do I do want to speak on that, and I and I hope the listeners are gonna listen are listening to this because it's very important that you pay attention to those things. Correct. Because he he pr he was the cool uncle. Yep, he was the down-to-earth uncle, he was the uncle that was involved. He was and I I realize it because my my first trip to Jamaica with my family when I was 12. I seen I I felt awkward. There was like a predator thing about him where he was asking me questions like, Do you have a boyfriend? I'm like, a boyfriend. I still wear bubbles in my age.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

And how old were you? How old were you at this time?

SPEAKER_00 25:23

12. Okay. I didn't know anything about boyfriend at 12. Exactly and sorry, my friends. Another thing I want parents to pay attention to is be careful how you speak about your finances around these pressure because one of the things that my mom always did was complain about money. Yes, working. So whenever he got paid, because he knew what he was doing to me, and knew that my mom and I didn't have that motherly-daughter relationship when he would get paid, he would try to give me money.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Yes, so stop right there. Two things that you said. Two things that you said there that is like Predator 101. Number one is asking intrusive questions that are trying to gauge your sexuality where you are. So ask you if you have a boyfriend, he wants to see what it was hitting for, like, where are you at when it comes to that, right? And then he saw a a need. So a lot of times in these single parent homes, single moms, they're like, Oh, it's access. And a lot of these women think the men are into them, they're really into the access to your children, right? So be mindful of the men that never paid you no mind so you had kids. Just like that. Why are you like me now? Like I I was I was skinny with no kids 10 years ago. You now I got five kids. You you trying to holler at me now? That you pay attention to that, and also the money. So he's like, Oh, there's a need. So let me throw this money. And and guess what? Your mom needed the money, and this is an example of sometimes parents giving their kids away for cash, low-key. Now, I'm not saying that your mom did that, but your mom needed the money, the uncle knew that she needed the money, and you were low-key the pawn in the situation. So go ahead, go deeper. I don't I don't want to over exaggerate, but I'm listening to you.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

I never took it. So you never took the money. No, always do it back. Always do it back. And I always I always I was I was trying to figure it out on my own because I was already in a home where my mom and my stepdad were always fighting. My mom was more busy focused on saving her relationship with him, figuring out what he was doing, where he was doing it, what time he was doing it. Yes, and also being a babysitter to my little sister. So in my mind, I was trying to figure out everything. Okay, I'm gonna handle this and not stress my mom out. I love my mom. So I'm gonna help her with this. And the weirdest thing is, as children, what we do, we try to figure out things for our parents.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Oh, absolutely. So stop right there, stop right there. So so you already some first, why didn't you take the money? What made you not take the money from him?

SPEAKER_00 28:28

I wanted it to stop, and I wasn't something that you use and abuse, and then you try to give money to me to silence me.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Correct, correct.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

I knew what you were doing.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Yeah, so you were old enough to know that no, like, I don't want him to think that I'm okay with this. So I don't want this money. Yep. Which was very that that shows that you had a level of insight, and and and that that's also in the book I. I is actually for intuition to follow your gut when something doesn't feel like you knew that something was wrong, like this this shouldn't be happening with me and my uncle. And what no, what your uncle was doing to you. I don't want to say you and your uncle like you had some type of consent to it. And and and then the money is like, wait, if I take this, he's gonna think that I'm okay with it, or or do it more. So very, very smart, Jen. Very smart, even at your 12-year-old self. And then the second part is we always want to please our parents as children, we always want to make them proud. And again, you were already, I don't know why you weren't with your mom from ages zero to five, but you didn't want to leave your mom. And your goal was to make your mom proud and do what you need to do. And a lot of that is called parentification, which is a form of neglect, also, where you had to um step into uh parent-like behaviors as a child. So now you're being assated by your uncle, you're babysitting your sister, and you're trying to make sure that your mom doesn't deal with no additional stress, even though you're dying inside and in harm's way, you're still instead of your mom protecting you, you're protecting your mom.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

So go ahead, keep going. And I think a lot of parents need to pay attention to this because when the kids are already in chaos and trauma, naturally, the first your first love is your mom. For some it's their dad, but your mom carried you for nine months, right? Um my grandma was my first love because she raised me, but my mom, when I met her, my mom, she was gorgeous. She dressed to the nine. She used to buy matching outfits for her and I, and I I loved it. I I just I just love dressing up with her and seeing my mom get her hair done every weekend, her nails looking flashy like a real botchment girl. That I was like, I was excited to be a part of my mom, and then having her now with this man who's breaking her down emotionally, physically. Correct. I didn't want that for her. So for me, it was okay, I'm going to figure out this issue on my own. And once I figure it out figure it out, I won't have to tell anybody. But that wasn't it for me. It just the the day when I finally said this is enough was when you threatened to kill me, kill my baby sister, and then commit suicide. So now you're trying to manipulate me. And they will do that, they will do that to the kids, they will make them believe that they are in immediate danger. And if they open their mouths, they will kill them. And as a child, you're naturally going to believe it.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Absolutely, absolutely. And that you you are hitting the nail on the coffin, and I'm so thankful that I put that in the ABCs of It Happened to Me, the book to heal children and their trusted adult after unsafe touch. That's the T in that book. A lot of these books don't talk about being threatened. So the T in that book is T stands for threaten. That the person that Unsafe Touch Unsafely Touched You will try to threaten you by saying they're gonna harm you or your family, um, and why it's so important to tell anyway. So in the bottom of it, it talks to it talks to the trusted adult by creating a past, past um, like a code word, like pineapple, whatever. You know that that that code word means that it's an unsafe situation, so you can create that. And again, a lot of the times that they're saying that they're not actually gonna do it. Um and again, they that's their way of you know keeping you quiet because again, you're a child. I've even had clients that will threaten, oh, I'll I'll you'll you'll break up the family. No kid wants to be the one that breaks up the family, you know. Even if it's a husband or wife and it's your parent, one of your parents that are molesting you, oh, you're gonna cause us to get divorced. That level of pressure. That the and that's and that's again the T stands for threaten and the importance of utilizing resources. So if it's the if it's a domestic violence situation, how um you can utilize those sources, um, come up with a safety plan and code words to protect family if needed. So in Jamaica, is there anything that you guys have as far as like uh protection in regards to domestic violence and child abuse, or that's still something that's just like part of the culture? Like, is there resources?

SPEAKER_00 33:17

They have resources, but not enough. Okay, just like right now, how we see across the world it's just not enough, and it's still a culture where it's don't talk about it, keep it quiet, right? And what happens in our house stays in our house, right? And also because the necessities, like, okay, for example, we're we're stepping into something different where why some boys end up selling drugs, or they end up in the street life and trying to get fast money because they've watched their mom, and most of the time it's a single mom, not saying that there's not single dad, but most of the time it's a single mom who's trying to make ends meet for the family. And as a boy, you love your mom, you don't want to see your mom go through that. So you're like, okay, how can I make sure my mom never has to struggle again? How can I make sure that I'm never in that situation? So you go into survival mode, you go into necessity. Okay, I'm gonna do this to make that money and take care of my mom. Forget school, forget my dreams. I'm gonna put my mom first. And a lot of young girls you in Jamaica, a lot of the older guys that pick them up, it's necessity. It's money. They tolerate it. Even if they were raped, they consistently let it happen because you're throwing some money at them and they're able to buy food, get school supplies, give something to their mom or their father. And they don't even tell their parents because their mom's already mentally, not even physically there, emotionally there to speak to them about body safety, what's going on. I know I'm struggling, but that burden is not yours to carry. And I really want to emphasize that because we have our children, they didn't ask to be here. We are not supposed to burden our children with our financial problems, relationship problems. We should never do it to our child because a child is going to hold it. Their minds are so fragile, they're going to hold it, they're gonna remember. Well, mommy just said she'd have the money. Mommy said she'd have the money to buy the school shoes. So I'm gonna figure it out. The taxi driver, he touched me, but I know that he will give me the money to go and buy the school shoes or money for lunch. And yes, you want to be mad at your child and say, Why didn't you say something to me? But you put them in the mental state where they're trying to figure out and manage everything in their head without burdening you because now you put your that stress on to them. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

And a lot of times that no, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

I want to hear a lot of times because I'm Jamaican, so I know these things. Like if my mom did it to us, like if we asked for something and I never asked for nothing, my brother was the bold one. My mom would dish out everything to him, but I was more the person, I'm more mindful. I'm not gonna ask her for it because I know that she's already in a position of taking. And I we never went without. She always made sure we had food, the finest clothes, we had shelter, but she was never emotionally available, and she wasn't um an active parent that was involved in what was going on with me emotionally and mentally.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

So when a child asks for something, the first thing you start doing is yelling and going on, what do you think happens?

SPEAKER_01 36:36

Oh, no longer gonna tell you. It's gonna teach you not to not to talk. Yeah, it's just gonna teach you how to talk. And what you're saying as far as the money associated with SA, and that is is is really one of the unfortunate parts. And and that was one of my first Instagram reels that went crazy. Um it was A is for anatomy. I teach my daughter the scientific term for her private area. That's the A and the ABC to Safe Touch before I even wrote the book, but that was like normal for me to do. And why did it get millions of views? Because some people don't use the scientific term, and some of the terms that were nicknames are pocketbook. So if you think about why would why would a girl's vagina be called a pocketbook? Exactly what you're saying. That the vagina of a child is equivalent to what money. That nickname came from somewhere. Pocket book, flower's another one, cat. That's okay, we get that and all that stuff. But the pocketbook one was something that really bothered me because that's showing that it's associated with getting some money, and that is unfortunate. So, so again, moving forward culturally, there's no more excuses for culture, for whatever. Like, we're past that. 2025, we're not doing it for the culture no more. No more excuses. We are ending it for the culture, yeah. We're disturbing the culture, yes, we're disrupting it, and that is the new culture to no longer allow this to keep happening, and and the men coming out. You know, a lot of people don't like Kanye. I get it, cool. But for him to come out with the song Cousins, for him to come out how he was exposed to explicit content, and then he was doing um, he started essaying his own cousin. That's significant for black men in the rap industry to even disclose. I think it was another one. Um oh my gosh, he just came out the other day about it. Another rapper, he said the same thing. He was actually molested by a babysitter. Um, and he he created that in his rap song. Um, you know, I don't want to say it's not the baby.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Who is it? There's another one, and I don't think it's who you're talking about, but Sha no, not Shaw Main. Um Method Method Man. Oh, we're not. Yeah, Method Man talked about if and don't quote me, but I'm pretty sure it's his name is Method Man or Red Man. And he came out and he said that it was two grown women that made him perform oral sex on him. They laughed about it because as a young boy saying that, oh, you know, a lot even in culture, Jamaican culture, you hear a lot about it. Teenage boys sleeping with teachers and and and principals, older women, and it's it's a comical thing. It's uh, yeah, man, you did good. You did good. It's not okay. It's not okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

Correct, correct. And that's for these men that come out. Absolutely, and boys are one in six, girls are one in four to be essayed before the age of 18. And boys are one in six, and we know that it's much higher than that because boys usually don't disclose um because boys are told to you know not have feelings. That's exactly why I have um a boy and a girl on on the ABCs of it happened to me. And I and I chose to have a black boy on there for a reason because a lot of black boys aren't gonna tell.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

Nope.

SPEAKER_01 40:01

So that was very important for me for me to have. Um, and also the importance of the the rappers coming out about it instead of talking about money, how to get girls, they're talking about being essayed as children and things that they were exposed to. That is huge, and that shows a culture shift because ain't there they weren't doing that before. Nope. So that is important. Yes, no more, no more silence. Silence does not protect. We're no longer breaking children, we're breaking cycles, and that is what it's about. So, shout out to uh Kanye, even though a lot of people don't like him just for that part.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

What you choose today becomes the legacy you pass on.