Trauma Didn't Define Me | Life's Deceit Podcast Season 4 Episode 24

Trauma Didn't Define me | Life's Deceit Podcast Season 4 Episode 24
Some stories are about what happened. This one is about what happened next.
In Part 2 of this Season 4 conversation, Jen Simpson continues her powerful sit down with Seth Gehle — bestselling author, speaker, husband and father — to explore what it truly looks like to move beyond trauma and choose a different life than the one you were handed.
This episode picks up where Part 1 left off and goes even deeper into the work of healing, the weight of forgiveness, and what it means to become more than the pain you survived.
In This Episode:

What it means to take full responsibility for your own healing
Fatherhood as a cycle breaker and legacy builder
The moment Seth decided his past would not write his future
Forgiveness — what it really means and what it costs
How to show up for the next generation when no one showed up for you
Legacy as something you build through who you become, not what you survived

This conversation is the continuation of Season 4: Legacy by Choice — Chosen, Not Inherited.
Because healing is not a destination. It is a daily decision.
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💬 Reflection Question: What part of your story have you decided will not define your future?
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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hello my loves. Welcome back to Life's Deceit, season 4, Legacy by Choice, Chosen, Not Inherited. I'm your host, Jen Simpson. I hope you're having a beautiful morning, afternoon, or night wherever you are in the world. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Today's episode is a continuation of our conversation that we had with Seth Guy last week. This is part two of that conversation that we are going to dig deeper in. In part one, we discuss the realities of childhood trauma. Abuse, survival, and the long road towards healing.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Monday through Friday, I was living at home with my mom who's addicted to drugs, abusive, violent, crazy house. And then Friday night, Saturday night, I was at Mondo's house being sexually abused by this grown man.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

But today's conversation, we're shifting the conversation from what happened to Seth to who he chose to become. Who he decided that he wanted to become instead of allowing what happened to him to define him. This episode is about forgiveness, responsibilities, breaking generational cycles, fatherhood, and finding the strength to move forward, even when life has given you every reason to just roll over and just lay there and not do anything. If you've ever felt trapped by your past, questioned your worth, or wondered whether healing is truly possible, this conversation's for you. This conversation is for the ones that are carrying such a heavy cross, such a heavy burden, that they're not sure where to begin their healing journey, where to break away from those chains and shackles that's been holding them down. If you have not had the opportunity to watch part one of our conversation with Seth Gal yet, if you want, this is the moment where you can pause this video, go back and listen to what he said so you don't feel left out and you're wondering, well, what happened? If not, you can continue this episode and then go back after and watch episode one with Seth. So take a deep breath, relax, open your mind, get a pen and piece of paper. This may be an episode where you need to jot down some notes. And let's get into part two with Seth.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

You know, you don't keep secrets with any other adults. If somebody tells you a secret, you need to come and tell mommy and daddy. Um, and then surprises are hey, this is a surprise, right? So we're not gonna tell anybody right now, but they're gonna find out in a day or two. You know, a surprise is something that everybody's gonna know about here soon. A secret is something that nobody knows about ever. So there's a difference there. Getting your children to understand that is also important.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Very important. I want to ask you something else um linking to that. Because I I actually experienced something like this a few months back and it it's still playing in my mind. But if you're in a situation where you notice something, a child's it's not your child, but it's it's a friend's child, friends of a friend, and you notice their behavior has changed, and there's something that's questioning about the relationship between the child and the adult, but the person doesn't seem like somebody the person comes off as like very childish in adult form. But something is there that's telling you that something's off, but now you're questioning yourself that maybe it's because I experienced it, I'm reflecting it off onto that situation. What would you say is the best way to try to navigate or or pull it apart and figure out if it's something, or is it just your subconscious mind playing on you?

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Yeah, you know, a lot of people they'll say that because you are traumatized or you have PTSD, that it's just your trauma is making you feel this way. And and that may be the case in some situations, but personally, you know, I believe that I have a sixth sense. When I see people, I can tell. I can just tell. I'm like, yep, you got it as well. You've got the trauma, you've got the pain, the neglect, you got the abuse. I can see it in you, right? I can see that in other children. I can see that in children walking around the store or walking going to the playground. I can tell which child is neglected and which child is loved and cared for. You know, I can tell which parents are probably a little off and which of them which aren't, you know. It's just a it's something that I've picked up. And I mean, I've had people come up to me and say, and other people see it in me too. You know, I've had people come up to me and we'll get to talking and they'll be like, Yeah, I knew something was wrong with you. And I'll laugh and I'll say, Yeah, I knew something was wrong with you too, you know, and we'll laugh about it because we both know that there's there's like some dark history between the two of us, you know. And uh you just you can just tell, you can just see it in people. And now when you see that, if you feel called to make a report, if you feel called to say something, I I believe it's like the crime victim services or child advocacy center, you can call or CPS, you can call and you can make a report, and it's it's completely anonymous, they'll follow up and do the report, right? Whether anything comes of that or not is completely outside of your um responsibility or or or whatever. So a lot of people don't want to report or they don't want to say anything because they don't want to ruin a relationship, they don't want to ruin, they don't want to have a family get mad or get upset or you know, any of those things. So people won't report for that reason. I would say if you have a sneaking suspicion that something is going on, I would say it's smart to report. Now, when you're in public and you see something, you have to be careful because you know, if you see a child misbehaving, for example, and the parent proceeds to to whoop the child in public and they're smacking them and the child is screaming. You know, is there a level of abuse that I would stop in person? Absolutely. There I would get involved at some point, but there's a lot of situations where we we can see it and we're like, damn it, like I want to, I just I want that parent to stop doing that, but you can't control them. You may be able to stop them in the moment and say, hey, stop hitting your child. But when they go home that night, the child is going to get it even worse because the parent is gonna be like, Do you see what you made me do? You know, do you see the the way that you acted? Uh, you made me do this and that. And so then when they get home, it just gets even worse for the child. So when it comes to like trying to protect children, it's very tricky. Like you want to try and protect them, you want to try and do the best, report, or say something when you can, but you but if you can't protect that child indefinitely, it's it can be very tricky because you can make the situation much worse for the child, basically. So I don't know, I don't know if that answers your question or not. You know, basically if you if you're if you see something, you should always say something, but you you just have to be if you see something, you should say something. You just have to be careful with your assumptions. And if you try to protect the child and in person, that child is going back to that home at night, you know. So you have to be careful because that child could get it even worse when they go home at night. That's kind of what I tell tell people, you know.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Yeah, it's true. You have to be careful how you're you're reporting it and what you're saying to that person. And somebody taught me take notes, the patterns, things that you notice, things that you see before you go and make false accusations, or you don't have enough information. Sometimes cases get thrown out because there's not enough information, there's not enough evidence, there's no proof. You can go into the home and there's literally no proof at all. And the child is silent, the child seems uh happy, and the other parent is complacent. They they have nothing to say, nothing's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Yeah, so I would say that's that's probably the majority of cases. Yeah you you make reports and nothing happens. I would say that's the probably the vast majority, which is discouraging. And as far as you know, it's hard, you know. If a child says something weird or if they're acting weird, like if my kids were outside playing with other kids and those kids made some sort of sexual comment, I'm I'm making a phone call. You know, and I'll probably I'd probably tell their parents, like, hey, this happened, you guys need to address this immediately, you know, because this is not okay, you know. Um, yeah, I mean, kids that are five, six, seven, eight, nine years old, they shouldn't be making sexual references with one another, you know, or yeah, you have to be, it's very tricky, but I mean, even if you do go to report, that person's gonna show up to investigate the situation. The parents are likely gonna deny everything. The child is scared, they're gonna deny to protect the to protect their parents. It's probably not gonna go anywhere, anyways, unfortunately. But, you know, worst case scenario, a case reporter shows up, they investigate the household, they walk away, nothing, nothing happens. Best case scenario is you save a kid from a violent situation.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

And I I would like to say that even if something doesn't happen the first time the report's made, yeah, the file is still there. So if something eventually happens, which we hope not, the record is there, that it was reported before, and it's been happening for quite some time. So either way, you did something that will be there for a certain period of time, that if something does happen, they know to act fast. You talked about getting your justice. I mean, he passed away. Do I say that's justice? I can't tell that was his faith. But you got to call the police, he got arrested. What was that like for you? What was the experience like um for parents who may be going through the similar situation right now, going through a court process, not sure what to look forward to? What can they expect if they're in it or about to be in it or want to report something but a little bit afraid?

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Yeah, so the biggest thing with the whole justice talk, I get this a lot too, is that does getting justice help? Does it provide closure? Yes, it does. Um certainly it does. Well, where would I be, or who would I be if I didn't get justice? I don't know because I got justice. So there's no way I could tell who I would be on the other side of this. With that being said, I don't think a lot would be different about me. Getting justice or not getting justice, the guy walks free, or he got a 10-year sentence. He should have gotten a life sentence. He abused me and another boy for about 10 years. He admitted to a lot of this, and you know, they he was charged with 11 counts initially, which would have only been um like 22 to 25 years or something like that. It'd have been like 25 years, I think, because each charge was two and a half years. So he still wouldn't have gotten a life sentence, he would have gotten 20, 25 years. So getting justice, whether you do or don't, is almost irrelevant. Does it help? Yes, it does. But is it the end all be all? No, it's not. A lot of people who don't get justice, they'll sit here and say, Well, I can't heal, I can't, you know, recover, I can't fix my life, I can't change myself because I didn't get justice. Nobody listened to me, nobody would believe me. Or what then and then they think that the legal system is just intentionally not believing them. These are some of the hardest cases to prove because there's almost no evidence every single time, you know. Uh a lot of it's circumstantial. A lot of it's like, was this person here on this date when this child said this happened? Yes or no? And if you can't narrow it down, then that person's gonna walk. You know, for me, fortunately, there was DNA and there was uh admittance of guilt and all those things, so it went well. But whether you get justice or not, you you still have to do the healing on your own. You still have to come to the terms with you still have to go out and live. You the guy could get a hundred years and you can still just be mad and miserable and hateful, you know. Um, they could walk free and you can still choose to be happy and positive and loving, you know. That's up to you to decide. Now, if you walk around with this cloud over your head and you say, Well, I didn't get justice, so that so my life is just gonna be miserable because I didn't get justice and I wasn't listened to, I wasn't heard. Uh I understand that sucks and and that's probably a horrible feeling, but at some point you got to move on. At some point, you gotta be like, you know what? I don't care anymore. I don't care. I'm not gonna let this thing bother me no more. You know, a lot of people can't do that. A lot of people they need something to hang on to to blame their life for the reason why it is the way that it is. A lot of people need a circumstance, they need, you know, this dark cloud, they need this evil villain for the reason why their life is the way that it is. And if they don't have that, you know, then they have to take full responsibility for for themselves. So that's why they hang on to that person. That's why they keep them right here on their shoulder, so they can say, well, no, look, I've got all this trauma, I've got all this pain, I've got all this all this stuff that I've been through. This is why I am the way I am. So and that's what the justice thing is as well. I did I get justice? I did to a degree, but that wasn't me getting justice wasn't the reason why I am the way I am today. You know, it was a whole lot of other things. And you getting justice or not getting justice isn't going to fix your situation either.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

I agree. And you know, we say collecting the evidence is hard. That's the hardest part of the case is making the case because there's really no evidence other than me saying this is what happened at this time, unless I was able to report it and go to the doctors and get all those kits done, there's really nothing. Text messages may be things that are there physically. If there's anything you could change with the justice system when it comes to situations and cases like this, what would you change?

SPEAKER_00 14:36

If anything, well, I would say anybody who has hurt a child and repeatedly hurt a child does not deserve a second chance. There is something inherently just disgusting and evil about hurting children. And for you to do it, if you hurt a child one time, I can almost reason with you and say, Okay, you did it one time, you ever did it again, you know what you did was wrong. Punish them, but give them a chance. Let them let them try to work through this thing. But if you hurt a child and you admit to hurting a child for two, three times or four, five, six years, there is no way in hell you deserve to ever be a free person ever again. I mean, you really should just be dead. And I'm not saying that as like that person deserves to die, but keeping them alive just costs money, and they're not going to get out of prison anyways. Let them go ahead and finish them off. I'm not saying that from a place of hate, just logic. Um, now to get there takes a lot of work, but I think this is what I'm trying to do, this is part of my mission, is speaking to law enforcement, speaking to the attorneys, speaking to the court systems, the people that handle these cases to explain to them that like because these situations are truly unbelievable. Like what I went through, given the full story, it does not make any sense. It's like, why did you keep going back? If you didn't like it, why did you go back? You know, did you enjoy it? You know, you kept returning. Why didn't you say something? These things do not make any sense. And so what's important is that those attorneys and the lawyers and whoever they understand that like this is this really does happen. And this kid, this person is not lying about the situation. They're not exaggerating. It really is this bad, and they really feel this way. Because when you're sitting there and you're trying to figure out how to sentence somebody or what to charge them with or whatever, and you're looking at the the victim, you can very easily look at the victim and say, that doesn't even make any sense. Like they kept going back. They obviously, you know, enjoyed it, or they, you know, there's something there, it just doesn't compute to them. And I'm not mad at them for that, they just don't know. And so part of my mission is to speak to those people to explain to them, hey, when somebody comes in here and they say this, this is really this is really how it happens, and this is what happened to me, and this is how I felt. And so for us to change that system, the people who go to change it, the advocates, people like me who are trying to fix it and change it and help people understand, you have to be open. So, like I said, when we started this conversation, a lot of people want to tell their stories, but a lot of people don't want to answer questions. And for you to go and just tell your story, it doesn't do anybody any good. Maybe a couple people. But when people ask you why you went back, and if if all you want to do is get offended and say, Well, you're accusing me, you're gonna bottle up and shut down, you're never gonna help anybody. This is the problem with reporting. A lot of people report, and then the police officer says, Well, what were you wearing? Look, the cop is not suggesting anything, he's trying to paint a picture, he's trying to figure out, okay, what were you wearing? Where were you at? Were you drinking? He's not putting any guilt or blame on you. He's trying to figure out why this happened to you. You know, he's trying to figure out why you were picked or why you were targeted, how you ended up in that situation. And so when you go report, you have to be able to answer those questions. That's how they that's how they come to believe you. But if you go to report and you just show up and you say, hey, this thing happened to me, and then this the minute they start trying to figure out the circumstance, and you say, Well, you know, it's not my fault, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I was wearing, it doesn't matter if I was drinking, it doesn't matter where I was at, those things do matter. They help paint a picture for the the legal system. They're not doing all that to throw out the case, they're trying to figure out why this happened, you know. And my my case is very complicated. And so in my case, like there's so many questions, you know, and they're trying to figure out why it happened. And if you can't tell somebody all those questions, I understand, but if you can't, the system is not going to be able to do what it needs to do. In my case, or I don't know for sure, but with my case, there was very little digging done. Um, I was asked questions twice. I was only questioned twice. I never showed up to the court. I think that if they would have chased a harder sentence, they certainly could have. I think what happened in my case was the admitted guilt, they came up with 11 charges, they offered a plea deal. It was turn and burn, quick and easy, and it was done. They were getting 10 years for the guy, they were satisfied with it. Looking back on it, or if it was my child, there's no way in hell I would have I would have settled for that. I'd have I there's no way. There's no way I would have settled for 10 years. You know, I would have fought tooth and nail for that person to get a life sentence, you know. And uh I think if they would have brought me into the court or if they would have questioned me a little bit more and brought up more details, I think that they wouldn't have offered him a plea deal, you know.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

So I agree with everything you said. And before I continue, I want to say I apologize to anyone that Seth and I may offend, or you may think that what we're saying is cruel, but it's not cruelty. And it's funny that you said this morning that, you know, not that they should die, but just do away with them. Because I woke up this morning and I was telling you about the story about the little girl, the four-year-old girl, Nikita. I said to myself, these people just don't deserve freedom. If you could do it so cold-heartedly, multiple times, consistently, then yes, you you deserve that. And our hands be washed with you clean. Because if you could do it so much, you are not trying to change. Okay, once, and once is bad, but you would do it repeatedly, that's telling me that you're okay with what you're doing. And people get charged for lesser crimes and spend longer time in prison, and you deserve to spend 10 years. No. And you know, I thought about it this morning. When you're facing these cases, you're gonna be asked a lot of questions. Because if they're trying to figure out what happened, they're not only trying to figure out why you were targeted, but what was going on in your life and how did the predator choose his or her victims? Why did you choose this child to prey on, to hurt, to harm? Because they know who they choose. They choose them intentionally. Okay, your parents are absent, your mom's an alcoholic, she's addicted to drugs, she's an absent mother, your father's locked away, you have no relationship with your father, your grandparents are a little bit older, they're not really vigilant to what's really happening. So I'm gonna come off as this nice, caring father figure, this adult that will be there and be supportive and be a Voice in Seth's life. So when they're putting together these cases, they have to prove their case in court. Why does this predator deserve 25 to life? Because the whole thing that you did was intentional. You planned it. You knew what you were doing. It's not meant. And a lot of times they'll say, oh, it's insanity. They have a mental illness. Is that what it really is? So, yes, they have to build their cases, just like when somebody murders somebody. Why did you murder this person? What happened? What triggered you to murder this person? What triggered you to do a bank robbery? What was going on in your life? Was it just circumstantial why you went and did a bank robbery because you needed money? Your child was in the hospital, they were about to die, and you something went off in your head and you just said, I'm gonna go rob a bank. There's a reason for everything. And these predators do these things and they prey on certain types of children, women, men, whatever the case may be. So I agree with you, that does need to change. 10 years is not enough because they spend the 10 years, maybe not even the whole 10 years, and they come out, appear to be changed and they repeat the same thing. So I agree with you that it does need to change, and that parents, you are the ones that need to stand in the gaps and stand and fight for your child or your loved one, whoever it is in your life. I agree with it wholeheartedly what you just said. And I know that you had mentioned that you don't speak to your family. Just a quick question. We don't have to elaborate on it too much. But at any point, did you try to reconcile with your mom and father?

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Yeah, I mean, I've you know, I haven't seen them in years. I don't remember the last time I've seen them, but yeah, I've tried to reconnect with my family. I have forgiven everybody who's ever done anything wrong to me. I have no hate or resentment in my heart for anybody. I don't, it doesn't matter. I don't have hate, I don't hate Mondo. I don't, I forgive him. He he did what he did, it is what it is. Life goes on. My mom, my dad, you know, it is what it is. Um, when I started writing my book, I did reach out to my mom and I told her, I said, Hey, I'm writing this book. Um, you know, I'm not doing this. And the the intro to my book even says, this isn't to settle scores, this isn't to throw anybody under the bus. This is purely just to tell my story and to help other people. That's that's what I wrote my book for. And my mom was initially supportive of it. She said, Okay, you know, I'm proud of you, this and that. And then it took about six months, and she had made a post about me on Facebook kind of saying that I was lying, that you know, I was an asshole and making things up and exaggerating that my childhood wasn't that bad, all these things. Uh, coming from the woman who, you know, threatened to kill me when I was 10, 11 years old. So and I'm not mad at her, it's just they chose to live their life a certain way, and that will never be, yeah. I my life is my life, theirs is theirs. If they would change the way they are, they're 100% welcome to join me. And there is nothing I would love more than to take my mom and take my dad and put them in my house and and pay for their lives for the rest of their lives. I'd love to. I just can't do it because they're they are living a life that does not align with mine. And it's the same thing for my sisters. My sisters are the same way. Um, they have chosen to make decisions and to to live this victimhood, and that's fine, that's on them, but they'll never be a part of my life because of that. So I've forgiven them all, though. I have no hate, it's nothing but love for them. I want them to be the best that they can. I've actually tried to help them manage their money. I've tried to talk to my mom about budgeting and you know, stop spending all your money and stop smoking and drinking. I've tried to talk to my sisters about that. Um, but they don't want the help, you know.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

So I love that you said that because a lot of people really believe that they have to keep trying and they have to stay connected and attached to these people because we're their family. But sometimes we're not the ones that are that are supposed to save them. And we have to live our own lives according to our own plans and alignment. So I think it's really important that people come to that realization and do what's best for yourself and your family. So that's good that you found that peace and you and you made peace with it and you let it be. You are a best-selling author. That is amazing. Because not a lot of people get to be best-selling authors. That's tremendous. Your book Strength Beyond the Shadows. It's more than a memoir. It's a roadmap. I want you to talk about your book a little bit. I know you you you finally came to writing your book and telling your story, and it wasn't, like you said, it wasn't to settle scores. It was solely to tell your story and be that living uh proof and living roadmap for other people, people who are still facing trauma, going through and navigating who they are and survivors. I want to talk about your book behind it, the meaning behind it. What do the shadows represent for you? And what does the strength beyond look like for your life, your real life today?

SPEAKER_00 27:15

Yeah, it's interesting. The title came from this feeling that no matter how far I got in life, no matter where I got in my life, there was always this shadow behind me. There was always this reminder of who I was. So it didn't matter if I joined the military, it didn't matter if I was serving my country, if I was married with children, if I was running 100 miles winning J2 tournaments. It didn't matter if I was winning national awards, a best-selling author. I still have this shadow that just reminds me of who I am and what my last name is and who where I come from and who my family is. You know, it's it reminds me of my past. It's always there. And so the strength beyond the shadows, that's where that title came from. And it's finding the strength and the ability to not only like move past it, but to live with it. To be like, yeah, that's where I come from. That's who I am. And I didn't have a father, and and my mother was addicted and abusive, and I was sexually abused, and I did grow up with a with a lifetime of trauma. Yeah, that's who I am, and it is what it is, and I'm still here today. That's what it is, you know. It's not about forgetting, it's not about all those memories dissipating and leaving my mind. I think about them all the time. I talk about them all the time, you know. I wrote a book about them. I share my story on stages and podcasts and all these other avenues. So, yeah, it's not about moving on from it, but it's just living with it. You know, it's never going to go away. And that's what the strength is. The strength is the ability to live with those things, right? Living with all those memories, all the pain, all the suffering, all of that. It's living, being physically strong, mentally strong, emotionally strong in order to live with all those things, you know. So um, not being afraid of it, you know. I see my shadow every time I turn around. It's always there with me, it's never going away. And that's what you you gotta accept that at some point, you know. If you can accept that in a very matter-of-fact way, that yeah, these things happen to me. It is what it is. Life is hard, you know. You gotta show up every day because nobody cares enough, you know. You can tell the whole world your problems, nobody's gonna pay your rent, you know, you gotta still show up every day.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

So you have to keep showing up every day. And you showed up in your writing process. Writing the book could not have been easy, just going down memory lane and reprocessing the things that you experienced. Was there a particular chapter for you that was difficult to write that just kept like just poking at you? Okay, I gotta go back, I gotta rewrite. Okay, this chapter is a little bit more hard to digest. And if there was a chapter like that for you, how did you push through that writing process?

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Yeah, the writing process was, I would say, generally difficult. Um, but it was also really cool because I've never thought about my life to that detail. And so it actually made me remember a lot of things from my childhood. So there's a lot of stories in my book that I talk about that I had actually completely forgotten about. And until I was like writing, I was like, oh man, that that happened and this happened. So that was really cool. That was really therapeutic. Were there chapters that were difficult to write about? Yes. Um, particularly, you know, at the height of my abuse with Mondo, there's a couple scenes in there that were difficult to write about, but I knew that it needed to be said. In fact, when I first wrote my book, I was told to remove a lot of words, to take a lot of context out because it's too much. It's like you don't need to say that. You know, you're you're kind of walking the edge right here where it's too much. And I wrote my book, and I always tell my story with a level of like authenticity, raw, it's visceral, it's painful, it's hard to hear, it's hard to listen to. I do that for a reason because when I was going through my situation as a child, nobody had ever talked about any of that to the degree that I do. And if another man would have walked up to me at 10, 11, 12 years old and said, All these things happened to me when I was your age, and this is what I would have done if I was you. And if he would tell me very explicitly, then I think that as a young man, I would have found the courage to report earlier. But you have motivational speakers, you have these guys that show up to the schools and try to get the kids all fired up and inspire them and try to say, hey, you can do whatever you want to do, you can be whoever you want to be. And then you have those kids in the in the in the classroom or in the gym or wherever you're at that are sitting there thinking, man, this guy has no idea who I am. He has no idea what I go through, he has no idea what I what I go home to. And so, how are you gonna tell me that I can be whoever I want to be, who that I can do whatever I want to do, you know, because you don't even know you don't come from where I come from. So, how can you tell me who I can be? And that's what I wanted to do with my book is to say, I come from the deepest, darkest place you can come from. I didn't have the worst life, I didn't. I mean, there are people out there with worse lives than me, but I experienced enough to tell you that it does not matter what you've gone through, you can get out of it. You you can. And so were there chapters that I struggled with? Yes, there were probably about two of them in particular, right in the middle of the book. And when I was writing those scenes, they were difficult because they're so graphic that I didn't want the message to be misinterpreted, I didn't want it to be for shock value. Okay. And once again, once with storytelling, there's a way you do it that is not just a shock value story, where it's just like, look how shocking this moment was, look how crazy this moment was. The way I try to tell my story is a way that pulls people in and gets them engulfed in the story where they're they're they're feeling the emotion, they're not just like disgusted or crying, but they're they're feeling the weight of the situation. And so writing those chapters and and and writing them in a way that was like that was difficult. And the writing process takes so long. I could tell you a story in five minutes. It might take me 20 minutes, 30 minutes, or an hour to write that story to make it all make sense, you know. So that's part of it too, is you're sitting there and you're just like, gosh, dang, like, when's this thing gonna end? You know, you're two, three, four paragraphs in to this horrible story. And so you're you're trying to tell it enough to get the effect out of the story, but you're trying not to drag it on. And then I just finished reading my audiobook too. And so going back through and reading the entire book, I mean, there were moments in the audiobook where I'm sitting here reading it and I'm like, oh my goodness, this is horrible. You know, like this is this was deep, this was heavy. So yeah, the writing process was really cool. It was hard. There were certain moments that were harder than others, but overall, anybody can write a book. I mean, you just have to be willing to sit down and do it. I agree. And intentional.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

Exactly. There's a passage in your book where you talk about reclaiming your narrative, not letting your abuser own your story anymore. Can you share that moment, that decision, and what it meant for your healing?

SPEAKER_00 34:58

Yeah, that's that's that forgiveness and ultimate responsibility. You know, I talk about forgiveness all the time, and a lot of people say they can't forgive because that person doesn't for they they don't deserve it, you know, they'll they can never forgive, they can accept what happened, but they won't forgive them. I think we're really talking about the same things here with most people. But when when I decided that I was done living with that cloud over my head, it it's very empowering, but it's also terrifying because it's terrifying because you can't blame your past anymore, right? When you accept full responsibility of your life, no matter what happens to you, you cannot say, Well, my childhood, my childhood, or this trauma. You can't say it anymore. You gotta let that thing go. And you have to accept it for what it is. It's like, okay, I made a mistake. I made a mistake, I messed up, I messed up, I'm gonna try and do better. That's what taking responsibility of your life is. Taking responsibility, what's so important about that is you are removing the power that somebody else has over you. Mondo hurt me, he abused me, he's dead and gone. Even if he was alive, he's probably not thinking about me. You know, the person that hurt you is probably not thinking about you. They've moved on, they don't care about you. So why are you giving them the power over your life? Why are you, every time something goes wrong in your life, you're gonna say, well, this person hurt me. You are just giving the power away to somebody else. And for me, I had to eventually come to the point where I was like, all right, I'm done. I'm done living like that. I'm going to be responsible for everything in my life from this point forward. And I wasn't perfect, but I was improving, right? Day by day, week by week, year by year. I was getting better and better and better. And I, yeah, and I eventually got to the point where it you could say it was all my fault. You could say my entire childhood was my fault, and I'm okay with that because I'm okay with that. Like, okay, it was Seth's fault. That's fine. Because I'm living my life now, like I'm doing what I gotta do now. I'm doing what I have to do to make sure that the cycle is not repeated. So, you know, taking full responsibility for giving all of that crap that you went through, in my opinion, is one of the most important things you can do, if not the most important thing.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

If there's one passage, one sentence from your book that you would like listeners or readers that may buy your book to remember, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 37:19

When I I think it's when I talk about my race, I ran a hundred-mile race, and when I ran that 100-mile race, I talk about, and I said it earlier here, is that suffering builds endurance, endurance builds character, and character inspires hope and others. That's what I want people to remember. The things that you've gone through, you got through them. They made you who you are today. You survived. Let that build you into a person that's unstoppable, undeniable, unrelenting. And then go and use that to inspire other people. That's what I'm trying to do. That's what I want people to remember me as a man who has suffered, a man who has endured, and a man who has the character to inspire other people.

SPEAKER_02 38:04

On the Lysos Seeds podcasts, breaking generational cycles is a lifestyle, and you've lived it. You lived it, you accomplished it, and you dominated it. Nothing stopped you from breaking those cycles. For you, what cycles did you consciously decide to break? And how has that decision shaped who you are today?

SPEAKER_00 38:27

The cycle of uh like absent fatherhood is probably the biggest one. Absent fatherhood. I show up for my kids as much as I can every day. Really, the biggest thing with that is every single night I hold them and I hug them and I give them kisses before bed. You know, I lay in there, I lay down with their bed or at their bedside and I tell them how much I love them and I tell them how proud of them I am every single night, every single night. So they never forget. Being there as a present father, engaged father has done a lot for me because I am able to say things to my kids that were never said to me. You know, I'm able to love my kids in a way that I was never loved. I'm able to do the things for my kids that were never done for me. Showing up to practices, to school, to you know, whatever it is, competitions, uh, birthday parties, showing up to all of those things. I never had that as a as a child. I never had my father ever with me. And so for me to be able to do that for my kids, that is probably the biggest cycle breaking piece of my life.

SPEAKER_02 39:37

It's a big cycle to break. And I can agree with you on that too for myself. I had a mother, but she wasn't active. And I just thought about the other day because I was like, now my son, he's going to grade 10. And I'm like, okay, you love sports, you're into basketball. What do you want to do to do with basketball? What are you expecting to get out of basketball? And now, like, even when he started high school, I was thinking about, okay, what high school are you gonna go to? I'm not just gonna send you to the one closest to home because it's convenient. What does the school offer for you? So a lot of things that we're doing in our life now as parents, we broke one of the biggest cycles of life is not just uh parenting our children the way that our parents parented us. And that is love. That is love, is choosing to do things differently for the betterment of our own children.

unknown 40:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

And then in turn, hoping that whatever we taught them, they're gonna take it and transform it into greater for their own children. Your professional background is a mindset and resilience. And you've lived what you teach. Like what you're preaching is what you lived. You're not sugarcoating anything for us. And that's the best part that I've loved ever since we got on here is that you're not trying to add any sprinkles or ferried us onto it. You're giving us real and raw and authentic because that's who you are. For someone listening right now, confused, not knowing where to start, not even knowing how to feel in their own body. What's the very first step that you would tell them to take when it comes towards their healing? When it comes to them admitting to themselves that what they went through is not their fault, but also taking accountability for their feelings.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

It kind of depends on the situation and the person, but I mean your life is in your hands. That's it comes down to that. You know, it's pretty simple. There's no secret pill. It's pretty simple. Do you want to be better or not? You know, people tell me that all the time. You know, I tell people, you want to get better, go to the gym, eat right, get get some good sleep. Do those three things, you'll be better. People can't do it. They can't exercise, they can't go to the gym, they can't do anything physical. Um, and it's not that they can't, they won't, but they say that they can't. You know, they're they're too depressed, they can't get out of bed, their body aches because they're so depressed. Um, you can sit here and tell yourself lies all day long. You can look in the mirror and tell yourself positive affirmations all day long. I'm beautiful, I'm strong, I'm I'm worthy. You can do you can sit there and lie to yourself every day. Those lies are only going to get you so far. They only work for a few minutes. Until you go outside and you do the work that it takes to build that confidence in yourself, it's never going to be there. Confidence without proof is delusion. If you think you are somebody special and worthy and beautiful and strong, but you have no proof of those things, you are just delusional. Sometimes you have to be a little delusional, right? But that delusion eventually has to come to something. If you're just delusional forever, you're you're you're just going to keep lying to yourself. And this is an issue. This is an issue right now in the mental health space and in the physical health space. You have body body positivity, which really promotes obesity, and then you have mental health kind of matters thing, which promotes, in my opinion, a lot of people promote this self-diagnosis of, well, I'm depressed, I have PTSD, I have complex PTSD, I have, you know, whatever disorder they want to say that they have, and then they go and live by it. That is crippling you. You do not have to live by that. You do not have to be what society thinks you should be. I get it all the time when I share my story. I could go out and tell people I have all these things wrong with me, and that's the reason why, you know, I'm addicted or an alcoholic or overweight, or you know, I can't pay attention to my kids because I have all these problems. And people would validate that. People would come to me and say, you know what, Seth, you've been through it all. You deserve, you know, you know, nobody should ever question you. You've been through too much. It's understandable and it's not. It's not an excuse. Are there reasons why some things may be harder for you than than it is for other people? Absolutely. But it's not a it's not an excuse to just give up and quit. So with all that being said, you really have to look at yourself in the in the mirror and say, am I doing my best? Am I giving it everything that I can every single day? And if I'm not, what can I do to be better? And it's gonna be it's gonna be hard. It's gonna suck. But you know, that that's part of life. It is what it is. You know, if you want to go and live a good life, you want to be happy and positive and be successful, you gotta do the work for it. It's not gonna come to you. So you have to be able to take responsibility of everything you do.

SPEAKER_02 44:48

Confidence without proof is a delusion. I like that, and I agree with it. Where's the proof of your confidence? Unless you're just living in your mind, stuck there believing that you're confident.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

I like that. There's uh, yeah, there's, you know, it's it's like I am confident because I have taken action, and action has created undeniable proof of who I am. Okay, I can I can confidently tell you that I'm a that I'm a best-selling author because I can show you the receipts of how many books I've sold. I'm confident about that. I can tell you how strong I am, I can tell you that I'm a strong and physically capable person because I have the receipts. I've competed in powerlifting. I I work out every single day. I can I can tell you of all these things in my life, of the reasons why I'm confident, because I have the proof there. It's there's undeniable proof of why I am the way I am. If you do not have that, you have to create that. For people that struggle with self-worth, you know, you have to go and do things that create worth. If you're sitting around on your couch eating chips all day and you're crying because about your life, yeah, there's there's not a lot there. Do we all have this inherent self-worth? Yes. We are all human, we all deserve life and happiness and peace. Yes. But for you to have the life that you want, sitting around and crying about it all day or complaining or whatever, or blaming the systems, it's not going to give you what you want. You have to go and create the proof. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

I have a little game for you right now, and I called it rapid fire reflection round. I'm gonna ask you a couple questions. No overthinking. Overthinking is cheating. So I just want you to answer the first thing that comes to your mind, and then I'll ask you the next question. You ready? All right, let's do it. Yep. What's one belief you had to unlearn to truly heal?

SPEAKER_00 46:48

It's okay to be uh happy, right? I don't know if I'm saying that right, but it's okay to be happy.

SPEAKER_01 46:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:57

If you could give your younger self one sentence of advice, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 47:02

It's uh one sentence of advice would be it's not gonna be like this forever. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 47:08

What's one habit or ritual that keeps you grounded? Exercise. What's a book, quote, or piece of wisdom that changed your life?

SPEAKER_00 47:18

A child, this is an African proverb. The child who is not loved by the community will burn it down to feel its warmth.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

That's a good one. What's the one word you want people to feel after hearing your story today?

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Inspired.

SPEAKER_02 47:38

Inspired. And that's the one word that's sitting with me is that I'm inspired by your strength and your living confidence, and you are the proof that my story is not my end all be all. That's just the beginning of what's next. And you truly inspired me today. And I know that there's listeners that are listening that are also inspired by your story. For survivors who are scared to speak out, what would you say about the power and necessity of telling your story?

SPEAKER_00 48:16

The words that you are scared to say are probably the very words that the next person needs to survive and to move on.

SPEAKER_02 48:27

I live by that. I live by that and I agree with it. It's just like writing your book. A lot of times we sit and we're trying to piece things perfectly together. And like you said, the people were trying to change your words. Almost like they're downplaying it. They think it's too gruesome, but somebody needed to read it the exact way you wrote it and you delivered it. Because that is what they're living in. They're living in raw truth, and they need your story as raw truth. Everybody's voice resonates with somebody differently. It could be the same story that we're telling, but the way that you delivered it touched 20 people's lives. Opposed to mine, maybe only two people. And that's the way that it was meant to be. So I agree with you. I want to know what's next for Seth. What should we look out for? How can we get connected with you? And for listeners who want to reach out to you because they're going through something in their life that they can't even open their mouth to speak, but they would like to speak to you and just share something, get some advice, some insight from you. How can people reach out to you? And what's your new project you got going on?

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Yeah, so the easiest way to find me is through Instagram. That's where I'm like most active, uh, which is just my name, Seth underscore Gail. And then as far as like what's next, right now I'm just traveling and speaking. So I work with a company called Precision Components, and our whole mission is to make humans better versions of themselves. So I I generally speak at like child advocacy center conferences or first responder conferences, things like that. Um, so I've got an event, you know, I've got different events around the country, but Kansas and New York and looking at a few others for next year. So um that's kind of what's next. Just traveling, speaking, sharing the story, sharing my insights and the things that I've gone through to try to help people understand the situation a little bit better.

SPEAKER_02 50:36

Love that. I'm not going to question if Seth's story resonated with you. I'm not going to question if his story transformed or awakened something in you because I know it did. Because me, I'm living proof that it did. Regardless of where we are in our life, we could be healed, we could be moving successful and change makers. But there's always somebody that speaks life into us in a different way. And Seth did that for me. So I know that he touched your life in a special way. If you're a listener and you're not familiar with him and you don't have a copy of his book, please go ahead and visit his Instagram page, TikTok, Amazon, and search for his book, even on Google, if you may not have Instagram or TikTok, and search for strength beyond the shadows. I said this before, it's not just a memoir, it's a roadmap. It's a story of survival, it's a story of thriving, actively thriving, and not just playing around. It's a guide for you to transform your life at your pace, figure out what's best for you and not try to live in anyone's shadow. Not even in your own shadow, but step forward. And as Seth said, you can't hide from your shadow. Face it. I know someone's listening today. I know that you're walking away feeling something. And I pray that what Seth said today really resonated with you and helped you in a way that we may not understand, but you know and you're aware of. Reach out to Seth, contact him, contact him on Instagram, TikTok, grab a copy of his book. After you're done reading it, pass it on to somebody else that you know it may touch their lives. So many times we find great information and we hold on to it for ourselves. Instead of helping somebody else that we know and we can feel, is going through something. We are roadmaps, the living roadmaps. Give somebody your guide. Take Seth's book, pass it on, or even buy it for someone that you know may need it. Don't sit on information, share it. We're here to help each other. We're here to uplift each other, and we're here to spill over onto each other, overflow onto other people. Seth, I am, I told you before that I'm humbled to be in your presence. But more importantly, I am loved by your presence. I am honored that you accepted your calling and you are a living assignment each and every day. I thank you for breaking those generational cycles. I thank you for continuing to break them too, because it's a daily thing that we do. Sometimes we see things that's in our lifestyle, we're like, wait, no, that's not familiar. That's not a part of my life. I gotta break away from that. So I want to thank you for doing that, not just for people, but for men. Men that are afraid to tell their stories, men that are afraid of shame, men that are afraid of being clowned and judged and misjudged and misunderstood. You are that roadmap. Thank you. I appreciate you. Thank you. Guys, thank you for tuning in to Lice to Seat with me today and listening to Seth Gale. I was, you know, I was thinking about it before Seth, and I was like, how do I pronounce your last name? Because I don't want to say it wrong. But after you said it, I was like, oh, that was easy. That rolled off the tongue easy. Thank you guys for tuning in. Please don't forget to like, comment, share this video with somebody that you know may benefit from this video. And don't forget to subscribe. Seth's story reminds us that healing is not about pretending the past didn't happen to us. It's not about wearing a mask so people can't see what's really going on. It's not about waiting for time to pass and everything just to fade away. It's about refusing to let it determine the rest of your life and the woman or man that you are trying to become. No matter what you've experienced in your life, no matter what you've survived, no matter what was done to you, you still have the power to choose what comes next. You have the power to choose what you want for yourself and what your healing journey looks like. You have the power to build a legacy that wasn't just forced onto you. I just want to thank you for joining us today for this powerful part two conversation with Seth. If this episode resonated with you, please take the time to share it with somebody that you know deep down inside your heart and soul could use the words, the power, the pour out that Seth gave us. This conversation was a sounding board for somebody who needed to know that their past does not define who they become. It doesn't have to be a thing that weighs you down and that you carry for the rest of your life. This is your moment to make a choice for yourself. And remember that breaking generational cycles is a lifestyle. It's not just a moment, it's a daily decision to continue to break those things, break those changes. So I ask that you take care of yourself and continue to choose legacy over limitation. Until next time, I'm Jen Simpson, and this is Life's Deceit. What you choose today becomes the legacy you pass on.